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20​/​20

by worm

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1.
in Trump's America, day one riding in the back seat with John we can barely see through the fog and the drive to Milwaukee's almost six hours long we use CDs, no radio Kevin surprises me at the show I put it all into bass notes then get so drunk I'm passing out when we hit the road Mariette's doing 80 so we get to Chicago at three in the morning Zack happens to be awake Sabina's sleeping while he's choking down smoke in the kitchen we're all going straight to bed I don't even brush my teeth all I wanna do is sleep in Trump's America, day two we don't meet up 'til almost noon talk about what we'd like to do decide that we'll just go out for food pink hats and babies are all around I feel no fear of missing out see, I just don't think I could stand those crowds but I regret not marching in my hometown it's such a beautiful day out the Sun's shining down on us for once thermometer hits 59 I just wanna go for a walk and so we decide on taking the 606 all the way to Wicker Park David and Lindsey appear at the record store in Trump's America, day three "wanna meet for lunch?" Max texts me Dixon wants to share something sweet $15 at a Mexican bakery I take a nap before Shithole or at least lie down with my eyes closed Loren's there taking photos as we cram into an attic to laugh at jokes we keep our set simple and the crowd joins in on the oh's in our song Tracy and Teagan heard it before but most of 'em don't even know us at all and Cody's got work in the morning I smoke a couple bowls with Dan and Cleve 230 miles back to Parker St. in Mariette's dad's Civic I navigate 'cause I can't drive stick talking so we don't close our lids decide tomorrow we'll go to Golden Harvest pull off for gas and a Taco Bell it's setting in that we've entered hell can't determine the source of smell but something's rotten and I don't feel well get home at four in the morning and I'm too damn tired to fall right asleep pack a pipe watching Netflix even though I was trying to read and oh, I I've been feeling inadequate and I've been terrified for months it's fighting back just spending more time with ones we love we're fighting back just spending more time with ones we love the revolution's as simple as not giving up
2.
I thought I'd done everything right to keep you distant and off of my mind but for whatever reason my heart committed treason I fell for you nearly overnight we went on a handful of dates I thought that everything was going great but all things must end and you just want to be friends but I can't look at you 'cause I still feel the same it should be a crime to be inside someone's head you should pay a fine if you make it to their chest 'cause whether it is you or them, one day your love will fade don't be like me, don't give your heart away don't be like me, don't give your heart away now I'm stuck watching movies alone and I'm constantly checking my phone to see if you did text me to tell me that you miss me I'll never read that, 'cause I know that you don't can't stop replaying the words that you said when we stayed up all night talking in bed like how this wasn't just a fling and you thought it could be something I ate all the lies that I was fed and it sucks to know that I did this to myself I start to source my happiness from someone else so closest friends and strangers, you learn from my mistake don't be like me, don't give your heart away don't be like me, don't give your heart away hope you think of me from time to time and not just when you're lonely at night 'cause though it's not the same and for only a few days it's still nice to think that I might cross your mind one day you'll be happy, I know and I'll probably still be sleeping alone but as you work your 40 hours don't forget I brought you flowers still proud to know that I was the first one to tell the truth I'll probably do it all again because I never seem to learn my lesson so closest friends and strangers, you learn from my mistake don't be like me, don't give your heart away don't be like me, don't give your heart away don't be like me, don't give your heart away
3.
the Sun finally came out today and I told her "just go away" 'cause she's kept me waiting too long and I don't care to see her don't care to know where she'll go either I've found a soft kind of comfort in the snow and grey clouds don't you try to tell me the Sun will come back again 'cause I ran her straight out of town and I'm down to my last drops of whiskey I'm down to my last cigarette I'm down to my last crumbs of green I'm down to the things I've been trying to forget I left my book in the rain all the words got washed off the page I looked all around on the ground searching for proof they'd already sunk in and took root I've found a silent resentment to the frost on the ground who kills the fragile at night and stays proud through the morning but come high noon can't be found and I'm down to my last cup of coffee I'm down to my last swig of wine I'm down to my last lick of ice cream I'm down to the things I've been trying to hide I'm down to my last point of breaking I'm down to my last shred of hope I'm down to becoming void of all feeling oh, I'm down to the end of my rope I'm down to my last faith in people I'm down to my last place to go I'm down to my knees, am I just see-through? I'm down to the things I can't seem to let go
4.
I was a total wreck at 16 'cause no one ever kissed me young love was the only thing on my mind and if I do see 25 I really won't be too surprised if no one's there to hold me through the night 'cause what I have learned as I have grown is I'd often rather be alone seem to do just fine all on my own so please don't tell me it'll be alright don't tell me it gets better on the other side 'cause death is all you're ever guaranteed in life searching for love seems like a waste of time if you smile at me on the street I'll probably look straight to my feet 'cause I can't look a stranger in the eye and if you offer me a drink well I'll probably have to stop and think what is it that you really have in mind? most nights I just stay at home it's better than waiting by the phone sometime's I'm scared my heart is growing cold but please don't tell me it'll be alright don't tell me it gets better on the other side 'cause death is all you're ever guaranteed in life searching for love seems like a waste of time now I'm not trying to say that I don't ever wanna find someone someday it's just that I'm not going out of my way 'cause love and happiness aren't one in the same maybe I'm just too torn apart from all the times I've spilled my heart place my trust in others far too quickly guess I'll just call it lesson learned forget the bridges that I've burned I like to think things work out how they should be this life is only mine see, sometimes I need reminding 'cause I refuse to ever let love define me so please don't tell me it'll be alright don't tell me it gets better on the other side 'cause death is all you're ever guaranteed in life searching for love seems like a waste of time searching for love is just a waste of time 'cause it'll come to you in its own good time don't give it all to love, you still got life
5.
The Ladder 02:33
just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up there's a man out there who says he's gonna build a wall his polarizing language serves to separate us all 'cause the radicals are manageable as long as they stay small otherwise the ladder will fall just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up why am I so afraid? there's no real danger that I face I live inside a bubble surrounded mostly by my race sure being queer is still revered as being second rate but hey, it's not like I'm in last place just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up society's a prison wrapped around your mind you see its bars aren't made of steel, they're made of white patriarchy but the food's all fat and sugar so we stay here willingly no one complains cause we still get tv just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up so what do we do next? is what's on everybody's mind some are trying to come together and mobilize against an angry swarm of worker bees whose hate's incentivized don't just kill the queen, set fire to the hive just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up just keep climbing you gotta keep climbing you just gotta keep climbing up
6.
lately my thoughts are weighing so heavy on me that when I try to get high I just smoke all my weed I just get pissed off at everybody I see although I'd really like the company I think I just need to be alone for a while I bought a bottle of Captain and a pack of Smooths I'll lock myself with my guitar in my room I won't close my eyes 'cause it's not like I'll sleep even when I try it's only nightmares I see I think I just need to be alone for a while I'll drive to the airport and catch the next flight I'll be out of the country by the end of the night please tell my parents not to worry 'bout me that I'll be safe at night but I just had to leave I think I just need to be alone for a while it's nothing you said, it's nothing you did I just get this sometimes and I can't control it where I think I just need to be alone for a while can't remember the last time that I made you smile so I think I really need to be alone for a while

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credits

released November 23, 2018

All songs written​ and performed by worm.
Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Jason Roedel.
Tracks 3 and 6 recorded by Matt Waterman.
Photograph by John Ambrose.
Album art by worm.

worm co.

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worm Lansing, Michigan

the result of being raised on John Denver and having an emo phase

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